Antipodal Update - the iDiocy of Moving around the World
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| After the rain |
First up, our best thoughts and wishes have been with all our
Calgary and Toronto friends and family who have been affected by the
flooding. Having been exposed to serious flooding in Brisbane, we know
how disruptive it and stressful it can be. We hope that you're now all safe and back on the road to
normalcy. While the temptation was present to provide some levity through
a blistering hilarious update I knew that this was likely beyond my talent. But attempting to preserve some degree
of decorum, I resisted even providing until the course of the disaster was
stayed. All the same, we’ve been
thinking about you all and hope that you’re as well as to be expected.
Ok, so now for an update as to how we're getting on in New Zealand,
because you’re really interested in what I’ve got to say, or at least pretend
to be. And, after all this is what
these updates are supposed to be about.
Six months into our new adventure we are looking around, pleased,
surprised, shocked, tired and thrilled about what we’ve found.
New Zealand is great. Described as “Nature on drugs” or “A
kinder, gentler Canada”, both are apt.
The air is clean and crisp, because it lacks both the warmth and
humidity we so loved in Brisbane, but not as cold or dry as we knew in
Canada. Change is good, but so were
the other places we’ve lived. It
is nice to sea the seasons again and have to wear sweaters and socks during
winter.
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| Empty spots because people are engaged in bloodsport on the roads (but the surf breaks are full). |
The people are friendly, generally. Generally Kiwis are very friendly and the New Plymouthonians
(let’s pretend that’s really a word and is actually what people from New
Plymouth are really called) are particularly friendly. Well unless
they're driving. Or unless they're playing rugby. And certainly not
when they're driving to go play rugby, which really covers most of the time
that Kiwis are awake. So, maybe classifying them as friendly isn’t completely accurate.
Let me explain, I suppose that the rugby bit is self
explanatory, but driving is a gong show. Generally there are two types of
drivers in New Zealand, three if you count courteous and competent foreigners
(but nobody does). The first is the distracted ambivalent equivalent of a
dairy cow with motor vehicle operator's permit. These are the people that
change lanes without regard; pull up tight to crosswalks preventing people
(with an unusually high frequency, me) from entering the roadway from
perpendicular intersecting roads. Bearing witness to these drivers
is like watching the Damned milling around Hell without any sense of
direction or belonging. Hilarious if you're not trying to negotiate
you’re way across their paths, because they’re as indifferent as a house cat
and nearly as aware of others.
Unfortunately, the other type of Kiwi driver is more attentive, but
attentive in a terrifying life threatening way. Imagery? Sure,
imagine Crispin Glover, but lacking judgment plus Lance Armstrong’s sense of
entitlement both channeling John McEnroe’s anger management skills, devolving
into road rage. Now project that image onto at least 40% of the people on
the roads. These are the people that zealously defend the road as though
it held their last promise of salvation. When Spencer drops a toy while
we're crossing the street, we hear acceleration. Turn across
traffic with less than half a block clear of traffic you'll be
rewarded with a screaming horn and a stream of profanity. All from
someone with a mullet in a Ute (see
reference), ciggy wedged between their fingers, with coffee in
hand and a 2 or 3 year old child hanging out the front passenger
window. Quickly I get the sense that maybe these aren’t my people.
All of this to say, if you happen to meet someone who's driving
reasonably while in NZ, go introduce yourself and ask them where they're
from. But make sure to ask them near their car, because all these people,
from the Road Raging Dirtbag to the Glacier who’s Driving Miss Daisy, become
the world’s nicest people as soon as their feet touch the ground.
Friendly in the shops and stores. Polite and engaging in the parks and
cafes. I thought that Canadians were nice and polite. Kiwis make
Canadians look like, well like... let's say it makes us look like the
generalization of the people from a Treaty NAFTA country, that's not
Mexico. Or Canada. Not naming names. But still New Zealand manages to be
great.
As great at New Zealand is, it's also really odd. Worse than odd,
it's really isolated and really in need of certain interventions.
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| Exquisite fans, especially for a bid |
Odd that they have a bird called a Pukeko (say - poo - key - ko).
Sure, almost all of the birds here have peculiar, or local names, even the
"old school Canadian landmark plain old duck" is called a Whio. Its nice that the ducks are
at least familiar in appearance, if not by name, because they’re
everywhere. Maybe that’s how they
were named, “yeah mate, I don’t know what to call dees t’ings bro, but da’y be
comin’ out me whio, right bro’?”
Makes some sense, Whio’s coming out the whio. It seems to go like this a fair bit. Black birds are Tui, small Chickeeds
are Fantails (all though the do have magnificent fans for tails unlike Sparrows
and in Maori mythology the
piwakawaka is a messenger, bringing death or news of death from the gods
to the people, like the Raven in European legend). What ever happened to reasonable names
for birds like Whiskeyjacks, Ptarmigans and Willow Tit? All renamed to something odd.
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| Part chickeed, part colour challenged peacock; all NZ Fantail |
The exception is the migratory bird that resembles the
"old school Canadian landmark plain Canada Goose", which go by the
local name "Canada Goose", which let’s be honest, even with a Kiwi
accent, it still sounds sort of familiar bro’, like fish’n’chips with freshly
caught tarakihi.
But it’s the pukeko that is genuinely odd. They look like a blue chicken and
flies like a bowling ball bag with wings. But as odd as it is how they
fly, the fact that they fly at all is impressive, as many of the indigenous
birds don't. Why don't local birds fly? Well evolution of
course. You know the same reason that alligators, crocodiles and sharks
have been largely unchanged for thousands of years, because they have completed
their evolution to a pinnacle of efficiency. So too have many of the indigenous birds achieved a state of
evolutionary grace, just not the same state as the apex predators.
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| Pukeko: means flying bowling ball in Maori |
Rather, these birds have evolved out of flying in response to a lack
of predators. I would say that rather than evolution, they had gotten
lazy. All this says to me is, "meh, it's sort of nice enough here,
I've got no reason to leave this island." And fair enough I suppose,
New Zealand is a great place, so there are lots of reasons to stay. For instance, there are no “real”
ground predators like snakes, spiders, foxes, dingos, wolves etc. All of which the biosecurity folks at
all the ports of New Zealand are particularly vigilant of, lest that the highly
evolved wildlife that can’t defend themselves or properly flee from threat if
such were present.
And while there are no predators for the cute and cuddly wildlife,
such as the Kiwi, the notoriously elusive and nocturnal National bird (a bird
that New Zealand residents have about as much of a chance of seeing in the wild
during their lives than an American would in meeting Edward Snowdon or an Australian
would have in watching the Wallabies win the World Cup, this also results in
widespread rodents. Rodents like
possums and rats. Rats the size of
large cats, like the pair that Spencer and I saw climbing off the beach. Rats that Spencer thought were “so
cute” and left me with that skin crawling sensation wishing that we could just
“borrow” 3 or 4 thousand snakes from Australia, just until winter when they
would die, but after decimating the rodents of this fair land. But no snakes here, is simply one of
the reasons one would never want to leave the Land of the Long White Cloud.
Although there are also reasons to leave, admittedly not all that
many.
One reason to leave New Zealand, or to engage in a rampant
kidnapping campaign of Hebrew trained bagel makers, is that bagels are egregiously
lacking here. In fact one of the best bagels I've had since we left
Melbourne was simply a Kaiser Bun with a hole in it. Trust me when I say
that it was worse than remaining hungry. Much worse. But maybe this is something that I can
live with, especially with the absence of snakes and particularly the venomous
snakes of Australia.
How are we doing, like on the day-to-day stuff? We're getting
there. The isolation and small population has it's challenges, like
limited access to consumer goods like wine, fresh bread, affordable petroleum,
clothing and most importantly salsa that we’ve grown to love, but some benefits
such as knowing the people that you run into at the shops or that who have just
taken instructions from one of their relatives to remove them from a Will, but
I digress.
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| One of many sunsets that may render us blind before we leave here. |
There is also the culture of not being worried about severe winter
conditions but instead earthquakes.
And earthquakes are really a thing here, and not just cheap Hollywood
action flicks type stuff, or “the big one” that happens every 1000 years, like
flooding in Calgary. In fact,
we’ve had three today. Three measuring between
4 and 6ish on the Richter Scale.
Isolated incidents? Maybe
not, historical numbers show that in 2011 there were more than roughly two
earthquakes per day, but they only really “count” if they measure 4 of more
on the Richter Scale. I suppose
it’s comforting that it rains here more often than that. Surprisingly, we’ve yet to feel any of
the earthquakes since we’ve been here.
Having just past the six-month mark, we've found some other surprises
as well as some comfort that we had anticipated a number of issues before
departing from Brisbane. While not always the case, we have managed
to learn from our first move and really started a series lists and
checklists. Mini processes that are the domain of lawyers and
engineers. You know the things that keep us organized but painful to have
as friends.
Date sensitive lists and milestones that were largely left for me to
manage, closing out utilities and extending our postal service redirection
services. Arranging for insurance to expire and recommence. Certified
copies of documents to be made while we still had access to people who knew us.
The period of time prior to moving was tedious and filled with
attending to contingent details that were usually conditions precedent for
others. But now, a short six months into our new adventure it has paid
massive dividends. Our tax filing back in Australia has been relatively
painless, because most of the documents that we needed were within easy
access.
Spencer is now in school, both Nicole and I are working and we've
hired an au pair to assist with Spencer and the gaps between my workday
and her school schedule. The wine situation is generally
sorted out, we've found good microbreweries. We were in attendance
when the All Blacks played an International Rugby match here, against
France (and won). We've done some local travel, climbed the local
mountain and the local rock (with Spencer).
We have managed to transfer my professional qualifications from
Alberta, to Australia, to New Zealand, where I have been registered on an
original Roll of Barristers and Solicitors dating to 1861, the oldest
such Roll in the country. I'm having a pretty good run, admitted in
three jurisdictions without being struck off in any of them...keep holding your
breath.
We've managed to get our banking and insurance sorted out and
transferred across "the Ditch" (vernacular for Trans Tasman Sea
matters). Some things were more trouble than others like financing
arrangements and the release of our Superannuation Funds (State required
retirement savings) and others were relatively simple like having our cash
transferred. Strangely some of the new portable life that we've taken on
has been iMpossible to more.
One such aspect, iRonically has been iTunes. iN fact iTunes
has become iDiotic to such an extent that we have yet to close our bank
accounts and credit cards in Australia. Why? Because iTunes won't
let us change countries. We can move our professional designations, our
Wills, our savings, personal property. We can obtain new passports and be
issued work visas, but not a new country code for iTunes.
As unlikely as it may seem, i'Ve contact the iTunes people directly
to resolve this and received the following response. Twice.
Before you change the country, please note:
1) If you have
store credit, you must use the credit before you can change countries.
2) You will need
to download all purchased content. In addition, rented items must be past their
30-day expiration. For more information on rentals, please see:
3) You must
provide a payment method, such as a credit or debit card associated with a
valid billing address in the new country. An iTunes Store Gift Card issued in
the new country is also an acceptable payment method.
4) After you
change countries, you will no longer receive application update notifications
in iTunes for the apps you purchased in your original country. However, you'll
still receive update notifications on your iOS device for any applications
installed on it.
5) If you have an
iTunes Match subscription, you can't change countries until the subscription
has expired.
6) If you have
purchased a Season Pass, you cannot change the country associated with your
account until that season is done airing and the last episode of the season has
been added to the iTunes Store.
7) If you have
been using iTunes in the Cloud to download past purchases from your Purchased
page, these purchases will no longer appear when you change the country.
To change the
country for your account, follow these steps:
1) First, make
sure you're using the latest version of iTunes. It's available free of charge:
2) Next, click the
following link to open iTunes and access the Apple Account Information page:
3) Enter your
iTunes Store account name and password, then click Account Info.
4) On the Apple
Account Information page, click Change Country or Region.
5) Enter the
updated information and save your changes.
Please reply to this email if you are unable to
change the country for your account, and I will assist you further.
iRonically, i Understood this to have been the case, and the
requested the cancellation of the subscription that was preventing what
would otherwise be the agile international mobility we've come to enjoy, so
that I could provide new address and credit card information. The
response was predictable:
Before you change the country, please
note:
1) If you have store credit, you must use the credit before you can change countries.
2) You will need to download all purchased content. In addition, rented items must be past their 30-day expiration. For more information on rentals, please see:
3) You must provide a payment method, such as a credit or debit card associated with a valid billing address in the new country. An iTunes Store Gift Card issued in the new country is also an acceptable payment method.
4) After you change countries, you will no longer receive application update notifications in iTunes for the apps you purchased in your original country. However, you'll still receive update notifications on your iOS device for any applications installed on it.
5) If you have an iTunes Match subscription, you can't change countries until the subscription has expired.
6) If you have purchased a Season Pass, you cannot change the country associated with your account until that season is done airing and the last episode of the season has been added to the iTunes Store.
7) If you have been using iTunes in the Cloud to download past purchases from your Purchased page, these purchases will no longer appear when you change the country.
To change the country for your account, follow these steps:
1) First, make sure you're using the latest version of iTunes. It's available free of charge:
2) Next, click the following link to open iTunes and access the Apple Account Information page:
3) Enter your iTunes Store account name and password, then click Account Info.
4) On the Apple Account Information page, click Change Country or Region.
5) Enter the updated information and save your changes.
Please reply to this email if you are unable to
change the country for your account, and I will assist you further.
Ultimately the answer from iTunes was that I am not
entitled to cancel a subscription that I've paid for in advance and no
longer wish to use. This also means that I can't download
regional content such as the banking app or Angry Birds because there is
now a conflict between the national network that my phone is on (New Zealand)
and the country that my iTunes account has been held hostage in
(Australia). Maybe this is the inhumane part of Gitmo; political
prisoners can't play Angry Birds on their smart devices. Talk about a
lack of access to justice.
Fortunately, iUnderstand that this exchange has led to a new Apple
renewable energy initivitive, whereby they attach wires to the grave site of
Steven Jobs, and then play a recording of the customer service that I
received. I think that the preliminary name is going to be iSpin.
At least I've now seen a Super Moon.
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| Super Moon - the result of the alignment of the Sun, Earth and Moon; the Moon is physically closer to Earth, enabling this photo with my iPhone, but it is an iPhone 5 |
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