iPhone Crazy

iPhone Crazy

I’ve had a few requests to provide photos of various things in Brisbane, places that I’ve visited throughout Australia, or more specifically, evidence to support the comments that I’ve made regarding the (lack of) dress among women here.  The idea, while generally laudable, seems to suffer on a couple of fronts.  The first is that any of the photos that I send seem to feel like my own personal account which would get boring quickly, or in the case of the short skirts, the idea of me taking photos of random women on the street seems really creepy.  This idea seems worse yet, given the fact that I’m usually with either Nicole or Spencer, or both.  

At one point I thought that maybe having a zoom lens for the camera would help, but unfortunately, like so many of my other predictions, I was wrong.  In fact, it turns out that the idea of using zoom lens to take photos of random women wearing short gauzy skirts is even more creepy than using an iPhone.

However, from the ashes of a bad idea came a significantly less bad idea, which was to take photos of some of the other crazy things that I’ve seen during our time here, thus far.  The title will make more sense as you enjoy the photos, but I freely admit, to those photographic purists of you, that not all of the photos are from my iPhone.  However, they are all candid shots and in some way, depict something crazy, or at least uniquely Ozstralian.

So, without further delay, I’ll give you a short photo blog, that I’ve called “iPhone Crazy”.   If you like it, let me know and I'll stitch up more.

The Man who stands up to
 The Man (aka “Mr Hooper”)

There is always someone claiming a conspiracy or to have been wronged by "The Man".  This guy, who I refer to as Mr. Hooper (the grocer from Sesame Street) stands on a busy street corner, sometimes in his navy three piece (four piece if you count the brown grocery bag), and patiently waits for the pedestrians to start crossing.

If you could hear his address you’d hear him welcome the pedestrians to a police state in which the Attorney General allegedly studied law in the former Soviet Union and continues to implement gulag tactics intended solely to repress poor Mr Hooper.

I’m always surprised when someone who wears a grocery bag in public and can’t find legal representation, claims not to be heard by the Courts.  Do you think this failing is a result of the education of the AG, the appointment process of the judiciary or something else?  I'll leave you with that...

South of Brisbane is an area called the “Gold Coast” (affectionately called “Goldie” by the locals) and within the Goldie environ, a town called Surfer’s Paradise exists.  Of course the town wasn’t always called Surfer’s Paradise, (now simply just “Surfer’s” to the locals) but was changed to thus in order to make it sound like a more desirable destination.  Fair enough “Surfer’s Paradise” provides a more evocative experience than its predecessor, “Elston”.

Ok, so it’s a good idea to attract a segment of society that is water logged, broke, and more or less just drifters who like to party.  Not really commercial tourism at its finest hour.  As you might imagine, surfers came in droves.  Thus then need for cheap accommodation, party spots and beach clean-up squads.  Arising around this need Goldie became SE Queensland’s answer to Las Vegas.

Inevitably the flux of people correlated closely with the increase in vehicle traffic, local government and municipal by-laws and ordinances.  Above all of this became the bane of western civilization and the perfect illustration of Economics 101 played out along the glistening beaches and crashing waves.  Of course, I’m referring to the scarcity of available parking and the by-law officers doing their level best to keep the value of said parking high. 

This is a coveted job.  Really.

Soon the parking crisis became a real and present danger to tourism in the area and many businesses pleaded for relief claiming to be too big to fail, without dire repercussions for the economy.  An idea was hatched to deploy an ace squad of talented young Australians to fight this municipal threat and thus the Gold Coast Meter Maid program was born. 

Still today the Meter Maids grace the streets of Goldie keeping people's parking meters satiated and lives organized.  How do they achieve the second function?  Funny you should ask, they provide anyone who wishes to stop and have a photo with them, a Meter Maid calendar of their very own (shown in photo).  You may not wish to ask the girls what day it is, unless of course you’re satisfied with a giggle and “today silly” as your answer. 

This picture is of real girls doing a real job.  Probably being paid more than a guy would get for the same thing.  I suppose this is progress.

If you don’t believe that the truth is stranger than fiction I encourage you to check out:

www.metermaids.com

Irony or Lies?

Ok, the sign reads "Free Energy from the sun That feels good".  However, the person depicted is jumping up towards an incandescent light.  We also know that nothing is really free, right? Unless you’re a plant and have developed chlorophyll to convert sunlight into energy then you need some type of infrastructure to process solar power and make it usable.  Therefore solar energy isn’t really free because you need the panels, then the engineer has to make sure they're certified, then you need approval to be off the grid, and then some lawyer somewhere will talk to your neighbor who will then complain about the panels being an eyesore, or that you're a communist or a vegetarian, or they had plans or whatever.....

So, is this advertisement ironic or simply wrong?

Beyond the Carbolic Smokeball type of discussion, an interesting implication is that the Corporations Act has a provision for “misleading or deceptive conduct” in a consumer protection context.  The real question of course is, "who should I sue?"  

Looking For A Place to Happen

This is a great photo from a night in Sydney.  Here I am with the iPhone on a busy corner with this spectacle before me.  What else could I do but take a photo.  In fact there was almost a series of photos taken of these two subjects.  Obviously the busker who's playing the guitar whilst balancing a skateboard on his forehead and being harangued by White Dreddy is a good one.  Crazy enough for me.  

However, I thought that White Dreddy was going to be in a subsequent photo (or photos), but it didn’t happen.  The opportunity that I thought was going to present itself was a result of White Dreddy being so messed up (even more than his choice of hair styles would suggest).  This clown was such a mess that his pants were falling off and he was staggering along the sidewalk with his mates.  I could virtually guarantee (perhaps only a surfer’s guarantee) that he would a) fall into traffic and get splattered; b) fall afoul with a local skin head and get splattered; or c) A & B.  Whilst that would probably resulted in an award winning photo, it would have also resulted in having to file a witness statement and probably being required at trial.  So I left well enough alone and sacrificed my contribution to the art world.  

From Tim Burton With...

Bats.  Flying foxes.  Whatever.  I thought these things were supposed to be nocturnal.  This one doesn't seem to be.  In fact, from where I was having breakfast the trees immediately surrounding me were full with hundreds of these creatures that look like they've been conjured up in a Tim Burton drug induced nightmare and then built with sheets of neoprene and chopsticks.

When we first moved here they creeped me out, but now the flying foxes are pretty cool.  Oh yeah, I've seen them with a wingspan of 1m (3 feet).   Ok, still sort of creepy.  

“Do I miss the snow?”  No.  

Do They Even Know It's Christmas?

“Is Christmas ok without the snow?”  Yes, because it's really warm.  

“Isn't it strange to have Christmas without snow?”  Well, given that I'm from Calgary and we haven't always had snow at Christmas, I'll stick with "no".

However, what is strange is the collection of blow-up dancing Santa things that line the Darling Harbor in Sydney.  Not only do they look like the blow up attention seekers in front of a tire shop, but there had to be a hundred Santas glowing and gyrating and pink.  

It's just seems wrong.  

Art Is Where You Find It

One of the really cool things about Australia is that there appears to be a lot of public art.   Canberra is full of art, seemingly on every street corner.  Why or what facilitates this I’m unsure, but I do like that it occurs. 

This above photo is from Sydney and appears to be a crushed soft drink can, that was affixed to the payment and painted silver with something illegible.  These types of exhibits should be an inspiration for all of us who want be artists but think such goals are beyond our reach. 

Brisbane and Sydney have "heaps" of public art.  I love it.

Explanation Required

I'm sure there is an explanation.  But what?  Photo taken downtown Sydney.  I've never seen a zebra there.  Maybe the new crossing will facilitate more frequent sightings.  I'll keep you posted, although I’m not sure how to tell a new zebra from any other ones.  Perhaps I’ll just know when I see one.

The piece d’resistance to this posting is actually a photo that hasn’t been captured, or at least to my knowledge.  It may be just as well, as it’s probably so far fetched that you’ll think it’s staged.  Unfortunately, I can assure you the photo is not staged.  I will provide an explanation, hoping to do the sight justice.

Along the river pathway there is a man, dressed in casual shorts and light shirt.  He looks to be dressed this way to accommodate his daily commute to and from work.  This man, is walking slowly, as you might expect, as he is carrying a full pack on his back, pushing a stroller (or pram) and walking with a small child.  A girl.

So far pretty ordinary, right?  Ok, but then as you get closer you notice that the pram is larger, much like the jogging strollers that are so popular in North American cities and towns where active people are seen with their children.  Not only is this stroller large, but it appears to have a compartment of its own that is teeming with extra clothes and food for the little girl.  Practical things.  Unsurprisingly, because this ordinary looking man appears to be practical, there is also an umbrella.  After all Brisbane is prone to rain and in particular flash rains.

As one gets closer still you hear the little girl say, “Daddy I want the umbrella please.”  The daddy retrieves the umbrella and presents it to his daughter.  “Open it please daddy.”  “But its not raining honey,” he protests, perhaps knowing where things are heading.  “Please daddy, open.” As he dutifully opens the umbrella, which turns out to be in the shape of a ladybug (“lady beetle” in Oz) the little girl then starts to giggle and says “put it on your shoulder”.  

Now, clearly defeated, he abides.  “Spin it daddy.”  So, the picture that I haven’t been able to take is of this grown man walking down the street, twirling a lady beetle umbrella on his shoulder.  Aside from the little girl who seems to think this is great, everyone else gives him a very, very wide berth.  

I’d like to say that I’ve been afraid to get close enough to take this photo, but as you may suspect there is a different reason preventing me.  

Perhaps not everything that appears crazy really is.  Maybe it's just a trick that the Mommy has taught the little girl to keep other girls away from the Daddy when she's out of town drilling wells.  Then again, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks…..